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Black Veil Brides

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If, before listening to Black Veil Brides self-titled 4th album, you were a fan I’m afraid there’s not much hope for you. Consider getting a divorce. Not a fan of BVB but thinking about taking the plunge, don’t do it. A wise man once said something to the effect of, “If the music don’t fit, you can’t commit” and I couldn’t agree more. You’re better off a runaway bride than a Black Veil Brides fan.

After listening to this album in its entirety I can’t help but find myself thinking about what sex might be like after 30 years of marriage. There maybe that occasional spark (birthday, maybe? Valentine’s Day?) but I imagine it’s mostly a lot of “ho-hums” and not so many “oh yeahs.”

The “oh yeahs” on this album can be found in the music. The first track, “Heart of Fire,” is catchy enough to get your attention and powerful enough to get your blood flowing. But then
the vocals kicks in and, well, it’s like seeing a hot chick in a car on the freeway only to find out at the next stoplight that she’s really a dude with long hair. A real ballbuster.

As I worked my way through the lineup I found much of the same thing, including BVB’s version of a power ballad in “Goodbye Agony.” Again, the music was tight but the vocals made me feel like I was listening to some stranger in a booth behind me whining over a lost love. Talk about agony! The vocals in this song and the songs throughout the album lack the emotion, the sense of adventure, and the power to match the music. They say that opposites attract but not in this case.

Why so harsh, you ask? Must be a jilted lover or alonesome loser? Perhaps, but the truth is there is nothing special enough about Black Veil Brides to make it worthy of my devotion. I think it was that very same wise man that said “there’s a lot of fish in the sea” so rather than committing to a lifetime of “ho-hums” I’m going to play the field…not this album.

 JPL

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